A week of challenging and precious moments

For several different reasons, last week was quite a challenging one. The first challenge was seeing the HSJ headline about my quitting my Chair role at the end of the year. Like the Daily Star newspaper, the HSJ do like a sensationalist headline. I had been approved by the Council of Governors to do a second term as Chair. However, sometimes the proverbial happens and one has to simply go with the flow. Of course, those folk that love to hate me appeared to take great delight over the news. I chose to ignore their triumphant crowing. Life really is too short.

That said, I was glad to enjoy a heartfelt hug from one of my colleagues last week. It was given by a lady who has a quiet, but assertive, and authoritative outlook on life. She is someone I respect for the courage she often displays. Unlike Matt Hancock’s, somewhat cringing, illicit hug with one of his co-workers (more of which later) my hug happened outside my office door in the corridor, with my wonderful office cleaner looking on. She smiled at us, as my colleague and I embraced. It was a special kind of hug. One that recognised an unexpected challenge, and a desire to be there with someone in the moment.

I have long advocated the importance of touch in therapeutic relationships. It’s a difficult element of building trust, and if not appropriately used, can lead to all kinds of difficulties for both parties. Our embrace wasn’t complicated or inappropriate. It was just a demonstration that, in the moment, someone cared.

I mention this, as the outcome of the Baroness Hallett's inquiry into the experiences of the care home sector during the Covid19 pandemic was published last week. It is a damning report; a report that detailed the failures of government and of Matt Hancock (Secretary of State for Health at the time) in excoriating detail. Reading the outcome of her report was difficult, but it was the news reports on the television that really challenged me.

They featured many of the family members of the 43,000 care home residents who died between March 2020 and July 2022. Their deaths were either caused by the Covid 19 pandemic, or they died because of the dreadful lack of protection provided by the UK government to care homes, both for their residents and for the staff who provided their care. Matt Hancock’s so-called ‘protective ring’ around care homes simply didn’t exist.

The pictures of so many people not being able to be with their loved ones, many of whom were living with dementia, was heart breaking. So many people were not allowed to be with their husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, even at the point where loved ones died. Seeing the anguish on people’s faces, as they recalled such experiences, really hit me hard.

My father, who will be 96 this coming week, visited my mother every single day of the years she spent in a care home, before she died last year. Thankfully, it was after the pandemic had ended. Seeing the woman, he had been married to for over 70 years, slowly deteriorate, as a consequence of dementia was tough enough, I just can’t imagine what it would have been like for him (and my mother) if he couldn’t have been right beside her. I believe that even towards the end of her life, when she didn’t recognise many of the family, his presence, and touch was important to them both.

The pandemic was almost unprecedented. Decisions taken at the time might well have been taken without any evidence of best practice. However, the lack of preparation, and the sheer incompetence of those in government, who should have protected the most vulnerable in our society is unforgivable. Likewise, I don’t think I will ever forgive Matt Hancock and the rest of his political colleagues for their partying and their breaking of the rules that the rest of were ordered to keep. Utterly repugnant and unacceptable.

Those rules impacted on Jane and me. We were meant to get married in April 2020; just three weeks after the first lockdown. We couldn’t. It was a challenging time for sure. Yesterday, we celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. We were eventually able to get married in our church with just six people being present (including the vicar and ourselves). It was a wonderful day nevertheless, and a year later we renewed our vows with a cast of 100s!  It was lovely yesterday, to sit in each other’s arms, and look back at the videos and photos of that magical day. Precious moments. Hopefully we will enjoy many more such moments.