To trust is human, but learning to trust and be trusted is not easy

It was all about change last week. I updated my profile picture on all my social media sites. Recently I have been highly amused by meeting a number of people in real life whose profile pictures were obviously taken 10 or so years ago. When I looked at my own profile picture, I realised it was also many years out of date. Finally, my free bus pass arrived (very exciting). And after many years of active local and national politics, last Friday, J parked her political ambitions in the layby of life, and resigned her Councillor role and became @TheJaneWarne – but as Arnold Schwarzenegger once nearly said, ‘she will be back’. The most exciting change for me last week was starting my new role as Chair at Stockport NHS Foundation Trust (SFT). It was a busy week, more of which later.

First, today will be special as J and I are being treated to our first meal out together since the lockdown. It will be outside of course, so fingers crossed that we don’t have a repeat of the monsoon rain of yesterday. It is a birthday treat, and a gift from J’s two girls. We will also be eating at the wonderful Nutters restaurant. It was where we planned to hold our wedding reception before the pandemic shattered our plans. However, as Arnold Schwarzenegger might have once again nearly said, ‘we will be back’ for a celebration this September.

Later today we will be attending the Holy Communion service at St James. It has always been a meaningful place for us, but particularly so, as last year we finally got married there. It was a beautiful service, shared with a few special friends. This afternoon, no hymns will be sung. Lord Greenhalgh (Faith Minister in the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government) recently told church leaders that it is unlikely that a return to singing hymns will happen before June. It’s such a shame, but understandable given the research on how airborne droplets help spread the Covid virus. Now although I don’t have much of a singing voice I do like hymns, and singing them always brings me joy.

Someone else who also has a thing about hymns was the ‘Godfather of English Hymnody’, Isaac Watts. He is credited with writing over 750 hymns, and although he died in 1748 many of his hymns are still sung every Sunday in churches up and down the country. As well as being a Christian Minister, hymn writer and theologian, Watts was also a logician. He applied a systematic approach to the analysis and validity of arguments. His book, Logic: The Right Use of Reason in the Inquiry After Truth was a standard textbook for nearly 200 years. Despite some of the language being perhaps unfamiliar these days, his work is still referenced in today’s textbooks on the same subject. If you are interested in better understanding how perceptions, judgement, reasoning, and disposition come together to help both make sense of the world and effectively articulate a view, you can still buy his book on Amazon.

Watts is also famous for his observations on life. I’m sure we have all heard the saying that ‘the Devil finds work for idle hands’ – Watts described it slightly more obscurely ‘In works of labour or of skill, I would be busy, too; For Satan finds some mischief still, for idle hands to do’. During the many conversations and discussions, I had last week with my new colleagues, one of Watts other famous quotes came to mind: ‘Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks’.

Like many of the relationships we might encounter during life, how these develop, are nurtured, and sustained will be dependent on the degree of trust that exists between all the people involved. Over my working life I have engaged in many different types of relationships which have all been shaped by the amount of trust shared. I have to say, because of my behaviours at certain times, some relationships have not always been successful. Some relationships were almost entirely transactional. Some were transformational. Many of my PhD students only really began to progress their studies once the trust between me as supervisor and them as student had been established. It never happened overnight, but once that trust was there, great things could happen.

The dynamics of trust are often delicately balanced. However, most of us will naturally respond to the presence of certain qualities in either an individual, a group or organisation. Such qualities will include: reliability and dependability - doing what you say you will do; transparency – all of us can become anxious around change and unknowns, so effective communication is critical as well as telling others how you might be feeling about a situation or issue; perhaps linked to this is fairness – being able to listen to both sides of an argument, and respecting the rights of others to express views that may be different from yours; openness (and maybe vulnerability) – being able to acknowledge one’s own mistakes and being able to apologise; competency – if you think an individual, or organisation is not capable of doing what they are supposed to do, it will be difficult to establish and nurture trust-based relationships; something perhaps seen in last week’s election; and finally, sincerity, congruency and authenticity – people are not stupid and can see when someone is being insincere or inauthentic, and when this happens people won’t believe anything that they are being told, and I’m sure we have all come across people who open their mouths and close their ears instead of the other way around, usually it’s the people who tell you all they want to do is to hear what you have to say!  

It’s these qualities that underpin the values we hold, and are demonstrated in the way we speak to each other, and in our behaviours towards each other. In a world that needs to become increasingly collaborative and interdependent, trust is the factor that will enable transformation to be realised and change to be successful. I have often (J would say incessantly) used the phrase ‘let me hold up a mirror’ when dealing with difficult conversations and situations. The aim is to enable the other person to reflect on how others might see them and the presence or otherwise of these qualities. As I take my first steps in building my relationships with my new colleagues at SFT and other stakeholders, I hope there will be someone along they way who will periodically hold up that mirror. And yes, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, come Monday morning, ‘I’ll be back’.