The language of friendship is not just words, it’s words and actions too

Last week, I opened our front door to find a large marrow and a rather grand cauliflower on the doorstep. They were a gift from one of our neighbours. It was a kind gesture, unnecessary but kind. Let me explain. It is the time of the year when our hens lay lots and lots of eggs. They do so for a number of reasons. They want to lay a clutch of eggs, go broody and, in the fullness of time, hatch out chicks. Last year we had 51 chicks hatched. That’s 51 extra mouths to feed, and we don’t need any more hens, 51 more hens to find home for!

Gregory Peck, our cockerel, is a handsome fella, and we wouldn’t get rid of him for anything. He clearly adores his hen harem. So, this year I’ve taken on the role of being the hens’ contraception. It’s easy. I simply remove the eggs as soon as they are laid. The chickens let the world know they have laid an egg by clucking loudly for a few minutes. Some of the chickens, the older, clever and more experienced hens, fight back. They find a dark corner, a hedge or some other out of the way spot, lay their clutch of eggs and then disappear for 20-21 days before returning with a bunch of chicks. This has happened twice this year. The first time we gave the chicks away; the second time Mother Hen is running around with her chicks. Thankfully she only hatched two, before abandoning her nest.

There is a problem with our approach, however. With only two of us living in the house, the hens are producing more eggs than we can consume. There are only so many boiled eggs one can eat*. So, for the past few months we have been given boxes of eggs to our neighbours. We were given a hundred plain egg boxes, and J got some personalised labels made up, and so now each gift of eggs comes in a custom egg box. The marrow and cauliflower were an act of reciprocity from one of our neighbours, unnecessary, but very kind, nevertheless.

We are blessed with a large group of friendly neighbours. We are a community that look out for each other, have fun together, and generally try and make our world a better place. I know and appreciate that we are fortunate to have such special people around us. Not everyone enjoys such neighbourly friendship. When we first moved here, we didn’t know anyone. That first Christmas, we sent Christmas cards to the folk living in the immediate vicinity of our house. For most of these folk we only knew them by nod as we met them walking dogs, taking out bins and so on. We didn’t even know most people’s names. In the card, we invited them to an open house Christmas party between Christmas and New Year. Much to our surprise and delight, eight couples came along and this first meet up has led to our friendly neighbourhood community.

Interestingly, some of our neighbours had lived beside each other for many years, but hadn’t previously really had any interaction with each other. This is an issue for many people and can be a situation that is difficult to improve. In our ever increasingly busy lives, building new relationships can be difficult, even with the people who live just next door, or in the same apartment block. I have been told I speak with anyone and J will too. I don’t need to know someone to start up a conversation with them. And I will do so wherever I might find myself. I have a sense that we might never know what the impact of sharing a few words with someone else might have for them.

We really don’t know what is going on in people’s lives. New ways of working, the rise of social media as a way of communicating, and the legacy of the pandemic restrictions have all contributed to many folk feeling isolated and alone. Loneliness is such a growing problem today. There are said to be nearly 26 million people in Britain who report that they feel lonely occasionally, sometimes, often, or always.

Most people are generally sociable, but at times, apart from going onto social media, it can be difficult to find others to be sociable with. Difficult, but not impossible. A few times a week, my 92 year old father will take himself off to Waitrose, not because he can’t get his shopping delivered, but because he likes the conversations with the folk working on the till. These are brief conversations, of course, but sufficient for him to feel a sense of companionship, particularly as they happen on a fairly regular basis. Indeed, in Holland, there is a supermarket company called Jumbo, yes that’s the name, which has recognised that many of their customers like to chatter with the till operators. They have created ‘chatter checkouts’ so that people can have a conversation and not annoy other shoppers standing in the queue behind. I have been in two social enterprise café’s recently where a couple of the tables have signs saying the same thing ‘conversation table’ – sit here and talk to others to other folk.

Making time to be with others, whether it’s in conversation over the garden fence, in the supermarket, church or bus might sound unimportant but these are golden moments of interaction. We don’t all have hens, or grow our own vegetables, and sometimes, a simple exchange of words can often help folk remain visible, valued and nurture both your and their sense of wellbeing. It’s these little things that can make the biggest difference to someone’s day. Pay it forward. You never know, one day it could be you who finds themself alone.

 

*According to a recent study from Waitrose, more than a quarter of UK adults have never boiled an egg, and they don’t know how to.