Well folks, I find that today is
my birthday! I don’t know where the past year has gone. At one time, during my
hedonistic period, I didn’t really think about time being a finite thing. It didn't seem to matter that once
a day had gone you couldn’t get that time back. Now in a much calmer period on
my life journey, I’m absolutely aware of each day that passes. My lovely wife,
J, sometimes complains that I don’t stop and simply do nothing. Of course, I do.
However, there is also so much I still want to do and fit into each passing
day. For example, in the spirit of #OneLifeLiveIt I spent time yesterday with
my eldest daughter and youngest son and five of my grandchildren both
celebrating, sharing stories, playing games, and of course eating plenty of cake.
In the evening we had neighbours around for a retro style dinner party.
Today I will be celebrating my
birthday with J. Later this morning we will be walking to an open air music
concert at our award-winning Stanley Park. It will be only the second bandstand
concert since the pandemic started. We have both missed these Sunday afternoon
concerts, sitting outside with a picnic, a glass of wine and more often than
not, wall-to-wall sunshine. Later on, there will a special meal and I’m sure
despite tomorrow being a school day, a glass or two of bubbles. Of themselves
these are little things. Together they make a much bigger thing – that is a
feeling of happiness. I’m not one for science fiction, but it was the famous sci-fi
author Kurt Vonnegut who reminded us to ‘enjoy the little things in life,
because one day you’ll look back and realise they were the big things’. It’s
the little things that can often bring us the magic of happiness; something I
will return to shortly.
But first, wasn’t last week
simply full on?! There were many things to reflect upon. The war in Ukraine still
hasn’t ended, and daily we hear stories of abuse and cruelty that almost seem
to be straight out of a ghastly Netflix film. It is day 81 of the war and there
seems no end in sight. Winning the Eurovision competition seems scant
compensation for all that has been lost (and well done Sam Ryder). It was also mental health awareness
week, with a focus on loneliness. It’s a subject close to my heart*.
I fell
into nursing as a career. I always wanted to be an artist, but couldn’t do that, so I fancied becoming a lumberjack. After many false starts (I was a Sainsbury’s
management trainee, a window dresser, a blacksmith’s assistant), I became, what
were called way back then, a nursing assistant. I loved the job. I worked in a
mental health hospital and it felt like I had a natural affinity for this area
of health care.
I was persuaded to do my nurse
training, and the rest is history. I loved being a mental health nurse and the
things I learnt way back then have stood me in great stead ever since. My
biggest joy (it’s my birthday so I can be a little self-indulgent) was becoming
the Dean of what was then the largest School of Nursing in England. Oh, what a
privilege. Despite all the usual irritations of working in a large, heavily
regulated organisation, the opportunities to allow so many people to find their
pathway into nursing was what got me up each morning and ready to face whatever
challenges came our way. I never took that responsibility lightly. These
students were going to be part of my future, as they graduated and forged their
own careers. Indeed, I think hardly a week goes by without me having to answer
that question of ‘you don’t remember me, but…’ from someone who studied
in our School at the University.
Now in retirement (well almost),
I have so many fond memories of those times, and all the opportunities that I
had. I was able to travel the world, write and be published, do research, influence policy, meet so
many interesting people, and all the time learn so many new things. In lots of
ways, those 10 years were a very happy period in my life. Other things make me
happy these days. In no particular order I would note: walking on our beach;
our garden; my wonderful wife, our children and grandchildren; Dylan the dog, our
several cats, chickens and goats (well maybe not the goats), Billy the parrot;
fine red wine; my role as Chair at Stockport NHS Foundation Trust and all the
wonderfully folk I work with there. And finally, I guess the approach to life
that is represented in having two incubators, each containing 6 eggs, sitting on
top of our kitchen work tops bringing Indian runner ducks into the world. Do we
need any more animals in our lives, obviously we do!
As I thought this might be a
pretty idiosyncratic collection of what might make me (or anyone else happy), I
checked with the longest running study on happiness. It is the Harvard’s 84
year old Study of Adult Development. You can find it here. According to the
study there are many factors that can lead to a happy life. A happy childhood
helps, as does being focused on nurturing the next generation, and you don’t
need to have your own children to do this. Being altruistic, helping others
less fortunate than yourself are important ways of nurturing others. Spending
time with loved ones is important. Forget that hedonistic lifestyle, drink
less, be more active, and stop smoking. It’s also important to be able to let
go. Don’t have regrets. Worry less about failures and mistakes and focus more
on all those little things that bring you happiness. Look forward, seize the
day, and if you can share each day with others that you care for, then so much
the better.
* The happiness study’s Director,
Robert Waldinger noted that close relationships are the strongest predictor of
happiness, more so than money, fame, or anything else – on the other hand,
loneliness kills – it’s a powerful a killer as smoking or alcoholism in terms
of shortening people’s lives.
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