The stubbornness of mules, Mothers and men

I once bought a soft toy (a donkey) from a charity shop; a gift for my dog to play with. When I got it home, I found that if you squeezed its belly, it would say ‘I’m as stubborn as a mule’. Needless to say, the dog was given something else to play with and I kept the soft toy as a way of dealing with the stubbornness of my children, and latterly, my grandchildren. I don’t know where the simile comes from (possibly from the 1800s) but it reflects the so-called stubbornness of mules who over history have gained a reputation for obstinacy. Now in the past I have kept a donkey, and apart from her raucous braying ‘hee-haw’ she was a wonderfully compliant and willing animal. I don’t know about mules, but I wonder if their reputation for stubbornness is justified. 

Stubbornness in humans is slightly different. Not all folk are stubborn. We don’t really know the causes of stubbornness, but studies show that like other traits, it might be inherited, or acquired through social upbringing, whereas other studies indicate that stubbornness is due to a lack of dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that is responsible for the feeling of joy, pleasure, and fun. It also helps in learning. 

Over my lifetime, a number of people have called me stubborn. Often this has not been seen as a virtuous quality, quite the opposite. I think I inherited this trait from my Mother, who whilst being generous, loving and caring to all those she meets, is the most stubborn person I know when it comes to looking after her own health. Apart from emergency situations, she is most reluctant to seek medical help when needed. She has a wonderful range of excuses at her disposal and uses them all on a regular basis – stoicism (I just have to put up with it); it’s an age thing; I can’t get an appointment; and there is nothing they can do anyway. 

Interestingly, these are like the excuses men use in avoiding seeking medical help. Many studies have been undertaken that show that men are conditioned by society to be strong, brave and to never seek help. There is a wealth of studies that show the link between masculinity and health issues in men. Like my Mother, the difficulty in getting an appointment can be enough of an excuse not to go to their GP. Even when men do go to see their doctor, they tend to be less honest about their health problems then women. Where this is the case they are less likely to get the right treatment and the complications that might bring. Its no wonder that men can expect to die approximately five years sooner than women.

Now dear reader, it is ‘True Confession’ time. I’m a man, and a couple of weeks ago I tripped and hit a high kerb with my right shin. As it was on a busy street, I immediately felt embarrassed and despite being in great pain, got up and limped away. I didn’t look at my wound for the rest of the day, although I did think I could feel it bleeding. When I did look later, my leg was a mess. A bit like the proverbial cobbler and his child’s shoes, I had no dressings or plasters in the house and had to fashion a dressing out of tissues and Sellotape. Over the next 10 days I administered self-care. I tried every dressing possible, including manuka honey dressings. However, my leg remained painful, swollen, and looked to be infected.  I walk every day, usually anything from 30 – 50 miles a week. However, over the 10 days it became harder and harder to walk and driving my car just left me exhausted. I was also very grumpy. 

Despite J insisting from the start (and on a daily basis) that I go and see my GP, I soldiered on. Apart from the risk of sepsis, I knew my injury wasn’t life threatening and in time my self-care would bring about a restoration of health. However, the infection grew worse, the swelling in my leg made it impossible to wear anything but shorts, and my ability to even achieve my 10,000 steps a day diminished. So, when I woke up one morning feeling totally exhausted with the pain and lack of mobility, I knew I had to get some help. 

The thought of spending ‘goodness knows how long’ in my local A&E Department, who earlier this year only achieved 40.1% of patients being seen within four hours, and who continue to be one of the worst performers for emergency care in the NHS did not fill me with deep joy. Such a dismal track record is not entirely the hospital’s fault. They are one of the busiest A&E departments in England and the demand for treatment has grown phenomenally. The alternative was an Urgent Care Centre with a walk-in service available between 8am and 8pm every day, 365 days a year, and it was located just five minutes’ drive from my house. It was a fabulous place. There was a pharmacy, dentist, x-ray department, therapy facilities and even the ubiquitous consultants’ car park.

I got there at 8.15am and there were already about 20 people waiting to be seen. Mainly men, and, mainly middle-aged men. The reception area was akin to a 5-star hotel, and the welcome just as good. I settled down to read my Kindle, but only got a few pages into my book when I was called. The examination was thorough and carefully carried out. The doctor’s approach was warm and caring. She said I had a fracture to my tibia, and the infection had really got a hold. So, antibiotics were prescribed, as was a RICE regime for the next 4-6 weeks (R rest, I ice, C compression, E elevation). She suggested coming back for a confirmatory x-ray in a couple of weeks but felt sure if I stuck to the RICE approach, I shouldn’t have any problems healing.

As I write this, I have adhered to the treatment plan, although I have found the antibiotic therapy hard to live with. Its been difficult not walking, gardening, driving or cooking, but that same stubbornness that got in the way of me seeking help in the first place has come to the fore in sticking to what was prescribed. The result is I’m feeling much better in myself, less grumpy (to the relief of others), the pain in my leg is manageable and the infection is definitely in retreat. The bonus is that the long Easter holiday break promises to be sunshine filled and I am looking forward to sitting outside and enjoying every moment I can.